Family Structure in a Same-Sex Couple

           

Family is one of the most universal and wonderful unions to have and be a part of. Many people argue family is defined by blood but that isn’t necessarily the case. What makes any family successful and true is love. Without love, a family isn’t really a family; instead, they’re just a small group of people. Love is thicker than blood.

A family is a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household. Does that necessarily mean a group consisting of a mother, father and children? Most people interpret the social norm of parents as a mother and father, however, this “norm” is rapidly fading out. There are a number of qualities a good parent has. Some of the most important are: committing themselves to their children, protecting them, teaching them and loving them. Two mothers and two fathers are very capable of doing that. The component that sways people to think a same-sex couple is unjust for having children are gender roles.

The stereotypical and all American family includes a mother, father and children who all have obligations. The dad is ideally a hardworking man who is career oriented and does most of the physical labor like yard work and takes care of bills. The mom is preferably an excellent housewife who cooks, cleans and tends to the children. These assigned duties have definitely changed in society. Now, women are more career oriented and can do more than just be a housewife while men aren’t only limited to their work. These are the gender roles that many people are familiar and comfortable with which is why the idea of having a same-sex couple having children is preposterous.

If people were to let go of the stereotypical gender roles that a man and woman are supposed to play, then the thought of a family with two moms or dads wouldn’t be so offsetting. The most important thing to remember is, it doesn’t really matter who children grow up with, but that they are being raised by individuals who love them and treat them well. Isn’t that what society should be like?

Abortion

            I believe that women should have the right to an abortion. I respect the view of the pro-life side of the argument regarding the sanctity of life. I do believe that abortions should be avoided when possible. However, I also support everyone’s right to a choice. I do not think that it is right to force the same choice on every woman by withholding an existing alternative to childbirth after becoming pregnant. If a woman becomes pregnant but is not ready to raise a child or to go through the pain of childbirth, she should not be forced to give birth. It is her body and her life. If you find the decision to have any abortion unethical then by all means do not have any abortions yourself. That is your personal choice, just as it might be the personal choice of another woman to have an abortion for one reason or another.

It is especially important to consider the right to an abortion in the case of rape. If a woman is raped and the rape leads to pregnancy, the choice of an abortion should not be withheld from her just because many other people find the idea of abortion to be unethical. In the case of rape she did not even choose to have sex, so removing her only choice in the matter, her right to an abortion, would be society’s way of forcing her to become a mother completely against her will. If anyone should have the right to an abortion, it is definitely women who have conceived children from rape.

But even in cases less extreme than rape, a woman should not be forced to give birth to a child that she is not ready to have. Maybe the decision is not the most ethical one and maybe she will have life-long regrets for not giving birth to her conceived child. But that is her personal decision to consider, not society’s choice to make for her. I do believe that abortion should be avoided when possible. If a woman does not wish to become pregnant, using the proper protection to avoid unwanted pregnancy should be the priority. But if a woman does become pregnant when she does not wish to give birth to a child, it should be her choice and not society’s choice.

Feminism

            Feminism appears to be one of the most hated movements in our society today. I believe that it is because the movement is misunderstood by the average person. Most people that are opposed to feminism seem to view it as a movement that is focused on taking men down. In reality, the movement is about striving for equal rights between men and women. A google search of the word feminism provides the following definition right at the top of the page: “the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.” Look it up yourself if you doubt me.

            Your counter-argument to this might be that the movement no longer follows its definition and is now focused on the extremist agenda of taking men down. Maybe there are extremist feminists who truly do want to subjugate men. I have never met any personally, but if the movement has a reputation of being extreme there probably are extremist feminists out there. However, is it really fair to judge an entire group based on a few vocal extremists? I have met many feminists in my life and absolutely none of them hate men or want to become superior to men. Based on my own experience, I believe that the majority of feminists are not extreme.

            Look past feminism’s bad reputation. See the movement for what it is supposed to stand for: equal rights between men and women. With that definition made clear, what is honestly wrong with aspiring for more rights for more people? Why should we not show women the same respect that we show men? Throughout most of history men have held power over women, and while it appears that men and women are becoming closer to equality comparatively, there is always room for improvement. Do not denounce feminism as an extremist movement. Continue to consider the ways in which we can give women the same opportunities as men.

Born This Way?

            Arguably, one of the biggest debates regarding people’s sexual orientation is whether being gay is a choice or if people are born that way. Arguments people will make are about the chemical imbalances in the brain that cause one’s sexual orientation to prefer the same sex. It’s also important to think about the upbringing and environment people have; being raised by two mothers or two fathers can influence a child’s perspective on their sexuality. While there are many different reasons why people are gay, let’s look at some facts.

            Genes influence human behavior. With that being said, it’s reasonable to assume if a child’s mother or father was homosexual, the child may be one as well. If genes weren’t enough for that situation, maybe the environment the child is being brought up in is. Parents highly influence their children’s sexuality. They are the ones who should be teaching what sex is and what is appropriate and what is not. Children can sense what is right or wrong based on their parents’ mannerisms and how much information they choose to disclose with them. Many children begin to have an understanding of their sexuality from an early age.

            This blog is not saying every child that has a gay mother or father is going to be gay as well. It is only meant to show how genes do affect sexual orientation and therefore it is quite possible that people can be born gay.

            I personally don’t see how it’s possible to decide whether one wants to be homosexual. That would be like me, a straight female who has never had any physical or emotional attraction to other females, suddenly deciding I want to be gay. I can’t just say I like women now! How do other people do it? I don’t think it’s absolutely impossible, but, it just doesn't seem like something people can do.

            Moral of the story? I think most people who are gay were born that way. There’s science behind it and the thought of suddenly deciding to switch over to the other team doesn't make much sense to me.

“Ex-Gay” Leader Marries Same-Sex Partner

In the world of narrow-minded individuals homosexuality can be “cured” and “prevented.” There is no way somebody can be born gay, something had to have happened to them as a child: rape, pedophilia, daddy issues. Obviously, that is anything but true, and John Smid is living proof.

John Smid was the former executive director of “Love in Action”—the group that said it could stop people from being attracted to the same sex. On November 16^th, he married his same-sex partner Larry McQueen. Formerly a part of the group “Love in Action” with the hopes and belief that he would be “cured” of his homosexuality, Smid left in 2008 and came out as “still gay” in 2011. “One cannot repent of something that is unchangeable” Smid said as a renouncement of his original message that he had been “cured” of his homosexuality.

“I’ve believed in faith that something was going to happen, and it never did.” Smid lived his life hoping to be cured of his homosexuality because he knew he was “different.” Luckily, Smid did not spend his whole life trying to “cure” himself of who he really was. “At my age, right now in my life, I do not have that many good years left in me, and I can’t live like this for the rest of my life, so I said ‘No I’m not willing to keep pushing after something that’s not going to happen.” Smid eventually came to peace with himself and realized that, who he is, is just who he is supposed to be. Nobody can “cure” you from being gay, because you are not sick. You cannot be cured when there is nothing physically wrong with you. “The reflection I see today with Larry shows me the positive things in my life, my strengths, gifts and talent. I see how I can succeed at a mutual intimate and loving relationship. For this, I am truly grateful.”

Inner Beauty

            There’s a lot of talk about beauty. There are stereotypes about beautiful people, debate, and controversy on what makes them look beautiful. I think society has come around on accepting people of all shapes, colors and sizes; more and more people are defending those who may not be the thinnest or don’t have perfect skin. This is all great and I hope it continues, but what isn’t talked about as much anymore is beauty within.

            Everyone has a different opinion on what makes a person beautiful on the inside but I’m going to share what I think fits that bill. One of the first things I will notice in someone is their ego. Are you conceited? Do you like to boast? Are you humble? These are things people will notice almost immediately from first impressions. There’s a difference between being confident and conceited; confidence is sexy but being conceited is ugly.

            Another part of having inner beauty is being accepting and forgiving. It takes a lot for someone to apologize but I think it takes more for the person on the receiving end to accept it. I feel as though beautiful people accept everyone for who they are no matter what size, race or background. To be able to look at all people as the same and give them the benefit of the doubt is a quality not many people have.

            One other component of inner beauty to me is being selfless. Wanting to take care of others as much or even more than yourself is beautiful. Being able to lend a helping hand whenever possible and being generous is something that I find to be rare. Some are nice for show or expect something in return. Beautiful people act this way because they genuinely want to and don’t expect any favors.

            Anybody can have nice hair, a built body and perfect skin. I think true beautiful people are those who possess inner beauty. These kinds of people are harder to come by. It’s important to realize that looks aren’t everything. Being beautiful on the inside can be more appealing to think about than looking in the mirror. 

Tomboy and Lesbian Stereotypes

          The way our society works, a girl who likes to play with toy cars and play in the mud is looked upon as weird. A girl is taught to cross her legs, have good posture and put on makeup. We’re supposed to be delicate and be lady-like. What has society come to?

            What classifies a girl as a tomboy? A girlwho dresses and sometimes behaves the way boys are expected to, often into moremasculine things like "stronger" sports, computers, or cars.Stereotypically wears jeans, baseball caps, and denim vests/jackets. Oftenbrought up with a lot of brothers or a child of a single father. Most people in this day and age have a consensus on what a tomboy is portrayed as.

            Society has taken things farther now. The next step from being a tomboy is being a lesbian. Many people associate a girl who has the “butch” look to being a lesbian. Girls that like to play rough or dress in a certain type of way does not necessarily mean they can’t be sophisticated and lady-like.

I played basketball in high school and wore baggy shorts right to my knees while most of the other girls would role-up their shorts. I like to dress comfortably which many people will think looks masculine. I also was one of a few girls who would use my high school’s weight room. During my junior year many people in my class thought of me as being a lesbian.

 I’m sorry I like to wear baggy sweatpants and t-shirts for workouts. I’m sorry I like to play basketball with baggy shorts. And I’m sorry for wanting to lift weights to make myself stronger. Just kidding, I’m not.

Everyone expresses themselves differently. If a girl doesn’t wear skin tight pants or likes to wear baseball caps, don’t assume she’s a tomboy or a lesbian. She could be in a relationship with a man who likes her for her unique and comfortable style.

The main lesson here, as cliché as it is, don’t judge a book by its cover. Lesbians shouldn’t be identified by their “look”, but for their sexual orientation. Girls who like some of the same things as boys shouldn’t be thought of as a tomboy, just as a girl because that’s what she is.

On the Ideal Beauty Standard

            It is unfortunate that the media is much more focused on outer image than on inner character. Many advertisements are about looking better rather than actually becoming better. Some examples are fashionable clothing, weight loss “secrets”, and beauty products such as a make-up. While the advertisements have the clear purpose of selling units, the ethics behind this push for sales leave much to be desired. The entire industry is about creating a beauty standard and pressuring everyone to conform to it. Often, when regarding body shape, these expectations are deliberately unrealistic. It doesn’t help that Photoshop is often used to exaggerate desired qualities and make the beauty standard even more difficult to achieve.

            To a degree both genders are pressured by the ideal beauty standard. Men are expected to be large and muscular while women are expected to have an hourglass type of body. Therefore, people of both genders can be pressured by weight loss products when their body size is larger than the ideal presented in the media. However, in general, women are faced with more pressure regarding physical appearance. While men are not supposed to wear make-up, women are expected to. And while men might face some pressure to buy a certain type of attire on occasion, women tend to be judged on their attire much more.

            Ultimately, I wish that there weren’t an ideal beauty standard. I wish that the media could accept a greater variety of appearances. While I recognize that conforming to the beauty standard can sometimes have health benefits, such as the pressure for men and women to become physically fit, the ideal standard for women especially is often damaging. Many models are enhanced by Photoshop but are presented as looking that way naturally. This pressures some women to lose more weight than is healthy and that can lead to eating disorders in extreme cases. Even outside of the extreme cases, it still perpetuates unnecessary insecurity in so many people, all for the purpose of selling products. Is the money for these advertising agencies really worth this unnecessary conformity?

Gender Pronouns

            I cannot stress enough how important it is to refer to individuals by the correct pronouns. In our everyday language, we refer to men with the pronouns “he”, “him”, and “his”, and women with the pronouns “she”, “her”, and “hers”. While this is easy to follow for men and women with a gender and biological sex that match and do not change, it is important to keep in mind that not every individual falls within the binary genders. There are many individuals, transgender or otherwise, who wish to identify differently than you might assume.

            First of all, not everyone has a matching gender and biological sex. Some individuals with a male anatomy identify as female and vice versa. While individuals who identify differently than their natural sex often go through surgery to change their sex, not all do. The individual may not be able to afford the cost of a sex change, for example, though there are many other reasons that might apply. That is why, if an individual tells you to use a certain pronoun to when referring to them or you are corrected when using a pronoun that a person does not wish to be identified with, you should go by what you are told.

            Sometimes a person may use a pronoun that is not “he” or “she”, but “ze”. Sometimes a person might wish to be referred to as “they”, even in the singular tense. Sometimes a person may request another pronoun. No matter which pronoun a person requests, it is important to respect that person’s wishes. This is not to say that you should feel bad if you refer to a person by the wrong gender pronoun because you did not know. It is simply to say that, if you are informed to use a certain pronoun or corrected to use a different pronoun, that you do so once you are informed. It boils down to the common courtesy of respecting the wishes of others.

How To Handle Your Friend’s Coming Out Like A “Bro”

            Although I have never “come out” before, due to being a heterosexual female, I’d imagine doing it at 13 has to be just as difficult as coming out as an adult, maybe even harder. At 13, it is the awkward-teenager stage. I know that personally, like others I assume, I was adjusting to my body, which was going through the craziest changes and I was learning exactly how to “be a girl,” which, for the guys out there, is just as difficult as it sounds. During the times of heartbreaks and misunderstandings as a middle-schooler, the people I relied on most of all were my friends. Friends are supposed to be there for you during all of your ups and downs and the hardest times in your life, because, that’s what friends are for, right?

            I read recently online that a girl had posted screenshots of her 13-year-old brother coming out to his “bro.” Understandably, you can see in the messages how nervous and uncertain he is, about telling his bro, about his feelings for other boys, about his life. However, the way his bro handles it: totally bro-tastic.

In a world full of misunderstanding adults it is truly amazing to see a teenager step up to the plate and support his friend in his obvious time of need. How crucial it was for the boy coming out to be supported in the one person it is so imminent that he relied on the most is truly spectacular. Having gone through the teen stages before, I don’t know if I could have or would have trusted someone enough to tell them such a huge secret. I would be fearful of losing a friend or having people judge me.

            With the last line of his “coming out text” being “I don’t want you to think I’m weird or just leave or anything” it is so clear that he is reaching out to his friend with the hope that he will still be there for him, even though he may be different. And why wouldn’t he? “Who the fuck cares what people are going to say.” Clearly, this kid is a lifelong friend. It is truly relieving to stumble upon this on the Internet and see a true fear and personal secret from one person be totally 100% supported by the other. If only everybody could be as understanding as this bro, the world would be a much more accepting place. Because, when it truly comes down to it, ain’t nothing wrong with being the gay friend.

Break The Internet

This last half of 2014 has been a crazy year when it comes to nude photos. Some have been stolen, some have been leaked by the receiver, and some have even been taken and shown off by the subject.

Why is it that, in this society, men drool over leaked photos of women and can never wait for another set to come out, but when ladies choose to unclothe for a photoshoot and release them they become offensive?

Everyone wants to see a woman’s naked body until she makes the decision herself to undress, and then her morals and standards are put into question. People don’t seem to understand that when a woman exposes herself it is not exploitation because she choses to do so. It becomes exploitation when a man forces a women to expose herself, or exposes her body without consent. It is exploitation when a man decides that he has the right and privilege to display, in any manner, a woman’s body in a sexual manner.

I want to specifically mention the Kim Kardashian nude photo. I know a majority of you have seen them, and if not they are super easy to imagine. After having a baby, Kim was brave enough to do an artistic nude photoshoot for Paper magazine. Comments like “she’s someone’s mother!” were abound as soon as the photos were released. 

Society has a serious problem with seeing women as their own beings- the rhetoric of “someone’s daughter, sister, mother” is a common one, also tied into rape culture. This is an issue because people are unable to see females as just another human being- they have to be thought of as someone’s property, or as a title like The Mother, The Virgin Daughter, and so forth. Kim having a child should have no bearing on what she does with her body, and it is a disrespectful idea that as a mother, women lose their right to their bodily autonomy. This effect can also be seen in the pro-life arguments.

When Ray J leaked Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, the world went crazy over it. Men ate it up, and it stayed at the top of the porn video listings for months and months. But when she turned it around and made money off her infamy, and then decided of her own accord to do a nude photoshoot, slurs abound are being thrown around by men and women alike. It is sad that people feel the need to shame a woman who is so comfortable with her body, but it goes to show how much society expects women to hate their looks.

The Problem Isn’t Always Gender Equality.

          What about color equality? The problem with inequality does not always have to refer to men receiving higher pay than women or unequal rights between a man and woman. The problem can come down to two women, who are doing the same thing, yet treated differently, eerily similar to men and women working together doing the same job, yet men receiving higher pay. However, the controversy I wanted to touch upon is how women of color and white women are often portrayed as different under certain circumstances, like breastfeeding. Earlier this month, two women posted nearly the exact same picture of them in their cap and gown having just graduated college, and both were posted to separate articles.

Clearly printed on the left is a black woman breast-feeding her daughter in a cap and gown, which was published with the title “Breast-feeding mom’s college graduation photo stirs up controversy.” While on the right, a woman doing the exact same thing, except she is white, rather than a WOC (woman of color.) The title speaks for itself: “This Adorable Photo Of A Graduating University Student Breastfeeding is Going Viral.”

As seen on TODAY.com, Karlesha Thurman was proud of graduating and sharing the moment with her daughter. Yet the backlash she received suggested she cover up, and that she was being inappropriate.

However, when graduating mom Jacci Sharkey posted her breastfeeding photo to Instagram hoping for 100 likes she was blown away by the sea of thank-you messages from people and even “Who cares if her boob was shared, breastfeeding is a natural and beautiful thing J” posted right on her Facebook wall.

So what is the difference? It’s clear, and it’s skin color. Why is it that Karlesha Thurman, having earned a degree just as Jacci Sharkey did, is “controversial” while the Sharkey’s is “adorable”? Inequality is not only happening where men and women can be compared to one another. What people do not often see, are situations just like these that are being broadcasted to the media and too few people are paying close attention. Although it is very important to have feministic people and women sticking up for those women who work their asses off everyday to be undermined while being compared to men, who is sticking up for women like Karlesha Thurman who worked her ass off everyday to get hate and “controversy”, while Jacci Sharkey gets to celebrate hers with hardly any backlash?

On "Masculinity" and "Femininity"

            Men and women have always been divided by such a strong binary. Men are expected to have “masculine” qualities while women are expected to have “feminine” qualities. I find this binary to be quite restrictive. There are some inherent differences in biological sex: for example, basic anatomical structure. But most differences between the sexes are only caused by the pressures and expectations of society. I find that the ideal state of a person would be in combining these designated “masculine” and “feminine” traits, rather than going to either extreme. In this post, I will use emotional expression as my main example.

            Men are generally expected to be the less emotional sex. If a man cries, he will be judged more than if a woman were to cry in the same situation. While controlling emotions can be helpful in remaining calm, I find that always suppressing them is not healthy. Emotions bottle up if they are not expressed, and since men are more restricted in their emotional expression, sticking to this mold of masculinity all of the time only serves to unnecessarily trap emotions within men. Toughness and ability to put emotions aside to deal with situations rationally are great qualities, but sensitivity and care are also great qualities to have.

            Women are generally expected to be the more emotional sex. If a woman is not expressive with her emotions, she will often be judged as a “bitch”, while a man that does the same thing will not be judged. While emotions are important, learning to control them is an important skill that is far more encouraged in men than in women. Women are expected to be more emotionally dependent, which is restrictive because it discourages women from becoming independent and self-sustaining. Women should not be judged for holding back emotions just as men should not be judged for showing emotions.

            Ultimately, I believe that the healthiest expression comes from utilizing both “masculine” and “feminine” traits. Any person, man or woman, that can show a tougher side when there is a need to be strictly logical but also show a sensitive side when care is needed, is the most suited to dealing with a variety of situations. I believe that men and women should both be encouraged to express themselves as it works best for them, rather than forcing men to always be “masculine” by restricting emotion and forcing women to always be “feminine” by overdoing emotion.

Asexuality

            Lately the LGBTQ community has been getting quite a lot of recognition, and I am thrilled that our society is beginning to accept non-heterosexual relationships. Homosexual and bisexual people, in particular, are starting to gain the recognition and support that I believe they should have had all along. However, one type of sexuality that is still often overlooked is asexuality. The problem here is not that the asexual community is recognized and intentionally oppressed, rather that the community is hardly recognized at all.

            All human beings are expected to have an interest in sex, and because of that I find that the feelings of asexual people are often easily dismissed. A common response to hearing that a person is asexual is “you just haven’t found the right person yet”. Asexual people are treated as if the way that they understand themselves is wrong because, in general, I find that society does not even comprehend the idea of a person lacking sexual interest. While many people in our society still pressure others to only have heterosexual interest, those people, in general, still recognize the possibility of homosexuality and bisexuality. Asexuality is treated only as a misunderstanding and nothing more.

            Ultimately, I want the asexual community to be accepted by simply getting acknowledged. There is such variety among human beings in the world. People with heterosexual interest have always been the most accepted. People with homosexual and bisexual interest are still not accepted by all places in society, but they have become more recognized and accepted than before especially in recent years. People without sexual interest are still mostly overlooked and misunderstood. I would like to see a society one day in which people are judged only by their actions rather than by their sexuality. And yes that includes people without sexual interest as well.