Dressing for me(n)?

It’s almost impossible to go on the Internet nowadays without seeing a “listicle”− a popular blogging style that takes on the form of both a list and an article. You can spot them easily with their click-bait style titles, offering you advice on everything from cleaning tips to how to make a relationship successful. One popular topic for these articles is suggestions from men on what women should and shouldn’t wear. Dark lipstick. Skinny jeans. Peplum skirts. High-waisted shorts. Gladiator sandals. You name a type of clothing, makeup, or accessory, and I can guarantee you that there is a man out there who thinks you shouldn’t be wearing it, which obviously means you need to take out all these things from your repertoire. Obviously, because these men (whom you don’t know) have so generously decided to offer you their advice and you’d be a fool not to take it.

            Here’s a newsflash to men out there: Women don’t dress for you. Women don’t need your opinion on “what looks good”. An opinion, by definition, is a way of thinking about something; a way, not the only way. When we get dressed in the morning, our first thought isn’t “Will the men I see today like this?” A woman’s purpose in life isn’t to please men; our goal, just like those of men, is to achieve our own happiness. And your happiness shouldn’t stem from the opinions of a faceless blogger who has decided to add his thoughts on a topic that he isn’t exactly an expert in. My advice to you men, and I apologize for not putting this in listicle form so that your brains can comprehend this easily, but please bear with me: don’t give your opinion unless it’s expressly asked for. And to the women out there, let’s take back our autonomy. Our style is our style for a reason, and we don’t need anyone telling us what they’d prefer.

Religion and Sexuality

Before reading this please note that these are my personal beliefs and I am not suggesting that any of this is factual. I realize religion can be a touchy subject but I’m going for it.         

I am a Greek Orthodox Christian and I believe in God. I believe that something, somehow created the universe. How could anything exist without something creating it? Where did the sky, stars, planets and space come from? Science and research can answer the questions who, what, where, when and how…but science can never answer why. Why is everything in the universe the way it is?

            People will make the argument that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Now while I believe this is true, I think He made these two people for the sole purpose of reproducing. That’s just the way things work in our world; a man and woman can make a baby, not two people of the same sex (not without science of course). Just because these two people were arguably created first, it doesn’t mean God intended for everyone to be straight.

If there really was an Adam and Steve, the social norm could very possibly be that homosexuality is normal and being straight is not. If two men or two women could reproduce then that would be socially correct and straight people would be the “weird ones”.

If being homosexual, bisexual, transgender or having any other kind of sexual orientation other than being straight was “wrong”, why would God have made people that way? For those who think being gay is a choice, why would God allow us the power of free will? Something here just doesn’t add up.

Some of the nicest, most genuine and pure people are homosexual. The way you act in life determines where you’ll end up after death, not your sexual orientation.

Homosexuality goes way, way back. It has always existed. It’s only becoming more accepted now. There is a reason for why people have different sexual orientations just like there is a reason why the universe was created; and I think it’s because God had something to do with it.  

Free the Nipple

Did you know that both a male and female’s breast consist of the same things? They both have breast tissue, an areola, and a nipple. Yet when a female nipple is shown in a movie it automatically is rated R… whereas a violent film where there is shooting and killing of people it can still be rated PG. We’ve watched Eric Garner take his final breaths on video, we’ve seen beheadings on Facebook, yet a photo of a women breastfeeding is considered reportable.

Men have had the right to be topless since 1936, yet women in this day and age still don’t have this same right to their bodies. In the USA today it is illegal for women to be topless in 37 of the 50 states. In 5 of those states it is illegal for women to breastfeed in public; in Louisiana a woman showing her nipple can be sentenced to jail up to three years and face a $2,500 fine. In NYC it is legal for women to walk around topless yet countless women are arrested each year for it. Yet when it’s a hot summer day men can walk around without a t-shit on with no problem.

The sexualization of women is a very real thing. Sexualizing the nipple allows movie companies and producers to make millions of dollars.

“Why is it that they can sell them, but we cant wear them”- Lina Esco

Just because our society as a whole looks as female breast as a sign of privacy and nudity does not mean it’s a good thing. This isn’t just a fight for women to be able to go t the beach without wearing a top; it’s a fight for equality. Things need to change. It’s time to challenge censorship laws. Just because covering up a female’s breast is how it has always been, doesn’t mean that’s how it always has to be.

Somebody Sees What You Don’t

              I myself have never been “skinny.” Or at least, when I look at myself, I’ve never felt “skinny.” I’ve struggled my whole life with the perception I have of my own body. I remember specifically in high school comparing myself to other girls and thinking: “I am so fat.” Now, looking back on photos of me from when I was 15, I was tiny! But that is not how I wanted to see myself at the time.

            The perception women have of themselves can nearly always be compared to that of a model or somebody in a magazine, or your roommate eating 3 slices of pizza and then an entire bowl of raw cake batter (true story!) and you catch yourself thinking: “How can she eat all that crap and still be SO thin!” But, maybe that’s just me thinking those things.

I have had low self-esteem my whole life and it is not something that I talk about to anybody. Although, recently I have started talking to my boyfriend about it, and he swears that he sees nothing wrong with me. Recently, it really made me think, If I can’t see myself the way I want to, at least somebody is seeing me that way.” And more importantly, it’s not just any somebody; it’s somebody whose opinion I truly value. And not to mention, I’m nearly positive that when he says it, he means it.

The reason I am writing this is because I truly connected with something I read online that reminded me of my issues with my body image. In the article, a woman wakes up everyday next to her husband and every single day without fail he rolls over and tells her “You are the most beautiful wife in the world!” Is she the most beautiful wife in the world? Maybe not to you or me, but to her husband she is. The article is brilliant, and I suggest reading it when you get the time.

At the end of the day, everybody has a flaw that they really hate about themselves. But at the end of the day, somebody doesn’t see that flaw, and somebody sees you as perfect. It could be your mom, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend, anybody really. But I know this first hand, and even though you don’t think you’re beautiful, somebody sees what you don’t. 

What’s the deal with sex?

Why does everything nowadays have to be about sex? It’s really getting on my nerves. Television shows and movies make sex seem like it’s not a big deal at all. They even make hook-ups and one night stands seem “cool” and easy. What happened to going around the bases and taking steps? Movies and T.V shows show two people that like each other build up to the point of kissing and then – BAM – sex.

You know, there is nothing wrong with taking your time. People nowadays are just going way too fast physically and emotionally. What’s the deal with pre-teens having sex? It’s gross. When I was thirteen and fourteen I had crushes and just began to have an interest in boys. But now…now young girls are dressing like they’re adults and are “hooking-up”.

Something else that really gets me going is the topic of virginity. The way society is now, if you’re eighteen and a virgin, that’s “weird”. I’m friends with a nineteen year old girl who is still a virgin and she’s ashamed of it. Every time she goes out to a party she tries to find someone to have sex with to “get it out of the way”. It really breaks my heart. Losing your virginity should be considered a mentally and physically a big step in your life. It’s something special. Wanting to “get it out of the way” is not the right way to go; you might regret it.

I get it – sex is great. It’s sensual, pleasurable and fun. What I don’t get is how people make it seem so easy and not a big deal. I’m not trying to say casual sex is “bad” but I just wish people would take it more seriously. Unplanned pregnancies and STDs would be prevented if people were more careful. Besides the physical consequences, emotional issues can arise from having sex too soon.

I’m not trying to get into the nitty-gritty of unsafe sex or sex in general, I’m basically just venting. I don’t like how society has become so infatuated with sex. It basically controls our lives. What’s wrong with some good-natured cuddling here and there? 

Unrealistic Expectations; The Perfect Age

The other day I mentioned to a friend that some people have unrealistic expectations of what men and women are supposed to look like. They both want someone beautiful and young.  I mean, that’s common knowledge, right? Movies, magazines, television shows are all presenting glamorous people with pretty faces and flawless bodies that never seem to age past their twenties. (On the other hand, even teenage characters are often not played by teenage actors, but actors in their twenties.) It all creates an ideal image that lots of people desire in others in real life. It’s not just the guys with those unrealistic expectations, but often the girls too. Right? Well, my friend pulled up an unique article that showed this phenomenon. It was a chart “of how straight women [of different ages] rate the men on OKCupid based on their age.”

Here it is:

Then right below it was the male version….

Hmm. Interesting isn't it? Based on the data from this dating site, men seem to hold on to that unrealistic expectation of women throughout their life. It doesn't matter if their 30 or 50, a lot of these guys are looking for a girls with the face and body of a 20 to 24 year-old.

The presenter, the president and co-founder of the online dating site, commented “From the time you’re 22 you’ll be less hot than a 20-year-old, based on this data.”

So although I still tend to think that women also have unrealistic expectations of men, maybe their expectations for beauty and youth change as they age. Whereas – as my friend helped me see – men still expect the attractive younger women.

Let’s face it, guys; not all women and not all men, are going to look like the young movie stars that show up on our televisions. And they are not going to stay twenty forever. 

Why You Shouldn't Leave Just Yet

Running out of ideas for a new post, I stumbled upon an article about “leaving feminism.” While reading, I grew more and more annoyed after each line. The author's lessons on feminism taught her entirely different ideas than all the sources I have ever read. I could spend hours, pages, and way too many words going over why the “feminist teachings” that made her leave feminism were read entirely wrong, but that would be a waste of all our time. Although I didn't like her overall post, she makes one good point about the “quick to speak before thinking” that some (maybe more vocal) feminists do.

For instance (looking at only one point from the article) one reaction from feminists that made this author want to quit the movement was: “Real equality is when women have the right to be as drunk and stupid as men,”  instead of taking self-defense or learning to watch out for drugged drinks. But by making this point they were missing the real issues behind it, as I think the author was when she decided to throw in the towel.

The author wrote: “Do feminists really care about women’s safety at all? Or do they care more about their dream world..?” I don’t know who you have been talking to, but the feminists I know care very much about the safety of women. So much so that it’s one of the goals of feminism to create a world where women can feel safe, where women can drink as much as they want to at parties without worrying about what might happen to them, where they can walk down the street at night and not be so afraid of the figure heading their direction that they cross the street to avoid them. We want women to be safe, (so safe that they might never need self-defense classes) but there must be major changes made to this world before that can ever happen. 

         In a feminist’s dream world:

           *girls are thought to be careful because there are dangers out there while boys are also taught that the kind of behavior that puts girls in danger is unacceptable.

           *girls are taught to protect themselves but boys are also taught that there are real consequences if they victimize women.

          *the sexually assaulted are taught that they are not to blame for what has happened to them and the rapists are taught that they are the only ones responsible.

          *In a feminist's dream world, women are safe AND they can drink as much as much as men. Effort behind this goal must come from all sides before we can say things like "men and women should be able to drink the same amount at parties," and before we can forget about the current obstacles that come along with that idea.

There were many, many, other parts of the article that I would love to argue over, but I think it would make me too angry to do so.

Instead, I have this message for the author: don’t leave feminism; comment where you see problems and improve feminism. What is feminism to one person is not feminism to everyone. One person’s blurted statement is only a part of the larger conversation. It is up to the rest of us find the rest of the pieces. When it all comes down to it, a feminist is “someone who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.” Don’t quit it because someone says something problematic; be the next voice that challenges that idea, and keep the original goal going.

Porn

Yea that’s right, I’m going to talk about porn and why neither male nor female should watch it. First of all, rape is a crime and should be prosecuted in full extent to the law. Many female porn stars are raped on and off the camera; many are even raped by the producers themselves. People are starting to forget that porn stars are real people,  and over the Internet they are romanticized over but in real they are looked down upon and shunned.

No real woman (at least none that I’ve ever met) want to be called degrading names like, “slut” or “bitch” over and over again. No woman wants to be raped by multiple guys until she’s crying from pain. No woman wants to be slapped, beaten, or gagged until they can’t breath. (BUT if you’re into that and you and your partner talk about it that’s totally cool) Yet, a lot of the porn being released is circled around these kind of degrading acts.

The porn industry is extremely sexist and exploits women. The porn industry shows boys and men that being abusive is okay. Porn teaches men to treat women as objects rather than people. It makes men believe that there is no correlation between sex and relationships. Porn becomes something that men do for themselves, by themselves, using women as the way to do it, as another object to get off.

This isn’t just about the people that watch porn. It’s about the massive consumption of porn and the porn industry hyper sexualizing our whole culture. We are apart of a porn centered culture and unfortunately women are paying the biggest price for that. Porn gives the impression to women that their self worth is based on their attractiveness and how sexy they are.

Not to mention that porn gives this unnatural expectation of what sex is supposed to be like. Because of this it leaved both men and women completely unsatisfied, which sucks.